I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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