She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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