I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
