I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
