The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
