You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
