i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
