Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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