I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
