you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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