no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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