The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
