he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we're so committed to being not committed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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