I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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