everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
