Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
