There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This toilet bowl is my home.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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