Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
