are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
