it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
