with your own penis?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
