can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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