We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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