My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Still dying that you shit outside
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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