Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
