I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
