3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
