cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So here I am, sexting at work.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
