So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
