Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
