sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
