dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
