I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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