I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I look better un-naked...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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