Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
