i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
