I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't deserve a penis
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
