Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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