So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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