It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
