I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
