it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
