Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
