You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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