do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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