GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
