fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
