Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
