wakey wakey hands off snakey
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We have so much sex to catch up on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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