why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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